Seeking zanshin

(For the record, this is a freeform writing challenge. Apologies in advance)

Lately, the idea of where I want to be has been one of my biggest preoccupations.  Is it because I am inherently restless? I am not sure.  But ideas keep swirling through my head of where I want to go and where I want to be.  It’s on many levels as well.  I focus on where I want to be, in terms of physical place, emotional place, professional place.

In some respects I think it’s good. I think it’s a healthy part of growth to question if you are where you need to be. But then I think there’s some negativity to having an overactive mind.  I haven’t been as physically active, which I think causes the uptick in mental activity.  After all, movement is my form of meditation.  Whether it’s running, biking, dancing, martial arts, etc.

But then, what’s challenging is that I think of all the things I want to do. And where I want to be, and then when I try to articulate it, I get stuck.  How many times will I write, “I want to…” and then trail off.  The ellipsis has become my signature.  Is this a problem? I think so.  Perhaps there are too many options. Is it because of the free flow of information? As a marketer, I think that maybe my internal tuners are breaking, resisting the the amount of noise that we are inundated with. It’s harder to turn the dial to clear up the message (those of you who never had an analog boom box are probably wondering what that even means.)

This has always been a problem within my martial arts. I have trouble mastering the art of “Zanshin” – which is kind of like an awakened mind that’s ready for anything because the mind is at rest.

I am noticing my media consumption habits are turning more old school.  Rather than stream music or listen to the radio, I have started using my old iPod again (there’s nothing worse than getting in to a song and then being interrupted by a text or an alert or a phone call.  Leave me alone! I’m listening to my music.)  I still read on my kindle (2nd generation) but I never use my phone or computer apps for it anymore (see above note on not being interrupted.)  I even pull out one of my old paper books.  My husband would love if I downsized that collection. It’s been done and it’s not going through another round.

Writing free-form is hard. It’s interesting though, how focused I am on my lack of focus.  In thinking of lack of focus, I have also been thinking of doing the dramatic, and deleting my Facebook. But I feel like that’s almost professional suicide within the marketing industry.  I won’t wax poetic on my opinion of social media and spreading the marketing message because, honestly, who cares? We can talk during business hours if you really want to know my opinion.

This past weekend, I was completely exhausted. Both physically and mentally. But I ended up feeling more satisfied because I wasn’t online so much. I read a lot, listened to music and hung out with friends.  Our focus was on building memories. Experiencing things and places. Not what’s going on in the news, or what dumb celebrity did whom.  We had whole conversations without stopping to check text messages.  Is this what aging is? I hope so because it was much more memorable.

This was a free-form writing challenge – I am participating in a monthly writing challenge to try to keep my writing up, my creativity flowing and my mind challenged.




4 thoughts on “Seeking zanshin

  1. mini2z says:

    I find no interuptons on my iPhone with do not disturb on. I’m tied to my phone but give me a good book, the smell, the sound of closing it and opening it to read again.
    Your free flow was well written from my untrained perspective

    • xtinakm says:

      Thanks! I end up not using my phone because the temptation is too great to jump off and check instagram (my worst addiction) or some other distraction. It’s a habit I need to break.

      Thanks for the comment and the kudos!

      • xtinakm says:

        I have a friend who did a daily purge in the month of May. She had the same feeling of progress. It’s funny how we think that we are progressing by collecting things, only to find that movement forward happens by letting go of things 🙂

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